I just realized I have fourteen days left until the day Nolan is due.
I panicked. I got excited. I kept counting. I have six more shifts at work...two more weekends...one more rent check to put in the mail.
Oh. My. Gosh.
Hello, reality check. My name is Smiles. What's that you say? You have a human life you want to drop in my arms and leave me alone with? Good luck? Um...alright...
Here goes nothing.
We're coming up on being as ready as we'll ever be to meet our little boy. There are still a few things I'd like to have done before he is born, but I can safely say that if he came tomorrow I would not lose my cookies over it. I had a panic moment on Friday. I worked until 3:00 that morning, and towards the middle of my shift I got a horrible headache. I couldn't do anything to get rid of it and by the time I got home around 3:15, I had to run to the bathroom to be sick. I started swelling up like a balloon and couldn't stop vomiting. Chris finally brought me some water and got me in bed so I could get some rest. I called my doctor's office when I woke up and they told me to go straight to Labor & Delivery for monitoring because it sounded like my blood pressure was out of control.
To say I was frustrated is the understatement of the century. I have spent more time hooked up to monitors at that hospital than I can even count with this pregnancy. I asked how important it was that I went in right away and the nurse said she'd talked to a woman earlier that morning with the same exact symptoms who was delivering her baby as we spoke because her blood pressure was so high that it was putting them both in danger. Point taken...but wait...what? She was delivering her baby?! I wasn't ready for that yet!
Cue: Major Melt-Down.
We're talking slobbering tears washing away any sort of makeup I was stupidly trying to put on as I blubbered about not having a hospital bag packed or an outfit washed for our baby to come home in. All I could think about was sitting in the hospital in labor by myself as I sent my poor husband out to complete last-minute jobs that we should have already taken care of. I know our families would have stepped up like crazy to make sure we had everything we needed and more, but hindsight is 20/20. At the moment it was pure and utter panic. That is not how I want to bring my sweet boy into the world. I want to feel joy and excitement amidst the fear of the unknown and chaos that is bound to come with delivering a baby.
Obviously I did not have Nolan on Friday. I was monitored for a few hours and my blood pressure was actually consistently low. He was very active as usual (he is not a fan of having the band around my belly and tried to kick it off the entire time...you'd think he'd be used to it by now.) They don't know why I got as sick as I did. My guess is that my blood pressure elevates while I'm at work (dispatching is not the most stress-free job in the world...) and goes back to normal by the time I get home and rest for a little while. They took a few samples to test for different infections and I should get my results in the morning.
I'm going back and forth on when I need to just be done working. I've been trying to hold off because I want as much of my maternity leave as I can get with Nolan after he is born, but if my body is reacting negatively to being at work I really need to do what is best for him and best for me to keep us both healthy. Last week my midwife told me she didn't have enough to put me on bed rest but I wonder if it'll be a different story at my appointment in the morning after what happened over the weekend. Ultimately, I just want a healthy baby. I'll do whatever it takes for him to be okay.
I spent the rest of the weekend bossing my sweet husband around to get things to the point that if I went into labor right this second, I could go knowing that things at home were taken care of and we could put 100% of our focus on welcoming our baby and making his birthday special.
We still have a few odds and ends I'd like to pull together, but they are so minor that if they never happen I won't care. Nolan, my love...come whenever you are ready...Mommy and Daddy can't wait to meet you.