Monday, January 31, 2011

Faith Is Not Belief Without Proof, But Trust Without Reservation.

Remember a while back when I said I had no idea what I needed in my life and I needed to let go? Well I did, and I was right. I now have another to put on my list of incredible things that happen when I take a deep breath and fall backwards off a cliff knowing that He will catch me.

He always does.

Yesterday was an amazing day and I will be thankful forever.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Beauty Is Not Caused. It Is.

Women were created to be pursued, fought for, and admired. God made us in His image, and He gave us the same desire that He has: to enthrall those we come in contact with. Deep inside our fragile hearts, passed the walls that have inevitably been built up after years of never feeling quite good enough, there is a longing that all have but not many acknowledge: the need to feel beautiful.

I remember when I was a little girl. I used to dress up in silly princess outfits and twirl around in circles in front of my daddy. I would bat my eyelashes and give him my best smile, just waiting to hear how pretty I looked. Now that I am grown, I seek the same attention from my husband. Every time he tells me that I'm beautiful, my heart flutters. Every single time.

So, yesterday I decided to pay the compliment forward to a woman I have never met. I was watching the local news at the time, and the anchorwoman was wearing a particularly gorgeous sweater and had a new haircut. I found her e-mail address, and sent off a simple but kind note complimenting her sweater and making sure to use the word "beautiful." I honestly did not know if she would even read it, but I figured it was worth a try.

Well, to my surprise, I had a reply from her later that afternoon! She said that she was unsure of her new haircut and was not feeling very confident, so she really appreciated my words and they came at a great time. She smiled. She felt beautiful. I'm pretty sure there was a little heart flutter, even if she didn't feel it. Mission accomplished.

Monday, January 17, 2011

When The Floor Recedes, The Rock Is There.

2 Corinthians 12:9  "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

I am a broken, pathetic, and crumbling human being. For as much faith as I would like to think I have, I put an outrageous amount of pressure on myself. My husband and I made a decision to better our life together, and I have not been able to make that a reality. It is killing me. I feel like a failure on so many levels. I left to work last night feeling completely defeated and ready to just give up.

But I won't.

It has been proven to me time and time again that I do NOT know what is best for my life. Every time I fight for control, I wish I hadn't. I am embarrassed by my weakness. More so, I'm amazed that no matter how naive I may act, I am completely taken care of again and again by The One who is begging me to stop fighting.This situation is no different. My heart is as weak as it has ever been, and His power is flawless. There is a reason that things are not working out...I just need to let go.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Laced With Brilliant Smiles & Shining Eyes.

My first project came without planning. Actually, it smacked me in the face when I was not looking. I guess that's what I get for putting this off for longer than I originally wanted. There is only so far a person can run before what they need to do catches up with them.

I went to a concert last night with my husband. We had an absolute blast and I was so thankful for the time I got to spend with him listening to my favorite musician of all time. Normally in situations like this, I'll smile at the people around me and then tuck my head in its little spot on my husband's shoulder where I feel safe. I love people so much, but I also love to retreat into my personal bubble and enjoy the ones that I don't feel like I have to put on a show for.

So, there I was, enjoying my evening with my love to my right and a seemingly nice couple that I did not know on my left. I spoke briefly with the female half of the couple (we'll call her "B") before the show started about freezing feet from standing outside in the snow. She was cool enough. I performed my social duty. Into my bubble I retreated.

That is, until the male half (we'll call him "F") decided to start drinking. And drinking. And drinking. I could tell B was getting uncomfortable, because she started making small talk with me about things that obviously neither of us cared to talk about. I played along because, honestly, I felt sorry and embarrassed for her. F was making a total fool of himself. But then, I started listening in on their conversation and realized that F was not B's husband or boyfriend (think what you will about me eavesdropping on other people's conversations: I work in law enforcement and hear horror stories every day that could have been prevented if people would have been a little more attentive to their surroundings.) In fact, they had just met and this concert was their first date. That's when the sirens started sounding in my head.

I'll spare you all of the disturbing details of what unfolded between my realization of their relationship status and my taking action, but I will tell you that it took everything in me not to tackle that man to get his hands off of her. However, he was extremely intoxicated, therefor unpredictable. I also did not want my darling husband getting involved...I'm pretty sure that would have ended in a brawl. It was time to get creative.

I started joking around with B about one of the opening acts. I got her laughing and then when she leaned in to better hear what I was talking about, I started questioning her situation. I explained that I knew it was none of my business, but I couldn't go home and pretend like I had not seen anything and I did not care. We talked back and forth for a couple of minutes, throwing in a few loud laughs and smiles for show. It was we were speaking a language that only she and I could understand. She knew I knew what she was feeling, and she opened up to me. We made sure she had a separate ride home so she did not leave with F. I felt better, she felt better, and F realized B was no longer there "alone" and started to back off.

I believe that B was at a crossroads last night. Her life literally could have gone one way or another. I hope, as she left that concert on the safe road home, she knew she was loved by someone didn't even know her name. What she'll never know is that she shoved me full force into this crazy project of mine. The fire is lit. Thank you, B...