Monday, January 9, 2012

36 Weeks.

Well...almost. I'll be 36 weeks on Thursday. How did this happen? My baby shower was last Saturday and I was beyond blessed. We had between 45 and 50 people show up just to spoil and love my son...a person they've never even met. It was absolutely perfect.

I can't wait to meet my boy. I want to hold him and look in his eyes and know he is okay. I want to hear the doctor tell me that my baby is healthy and mine to take home. My mind has been wandering to some strange places now that I'm getting closer to the end (the beginning?) I keep thinking about how scared he is going to be during the birthing process. I imagine him feeling safe and cozy in my stomach and then all of a sudden he is going to be squished and pushed and mashed and forced into this cold and bright world with no warning. That's the part that bothers me the most...he has no idea what is coming. It is one thing for me to be scared to give birth. I (kind of) know what to expect. Nolan, on the other hand, doesn't even know what is going to happen and I can't imagine how terrified and confused it is going to make him.

Okay, I need to stop on that subject or I'm going to get emotional.

I've thought of other things how I'm going to feel the first time I hear him cry (it breaks my heart just to think about it)...or how I'll handle him being taken from me for the first time so they can clean him and check him (cue: panic attack.) I don't think I'll be one of those overbearing mothers that doesn't let their child out of their sight. I'm just nervous about those first few hours where everything changes and the normal I've had for the last 9 months is gone.

With all of that said, I can't wait to meet Nolan! I want to write more about my baby shower when I get pictures to show you how freaking awesome and creative my family is...until then I'll leave you with one I took of my belly this afternoon. I'm feeling very pregnant!

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