Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Baby Shower Paranoia.

My baby shower is this Saturday and I can't wait. There are going to be so many people there that I haven't seen in such a long time! Nolan's grandmas and a few of my friends have put so much work into making sure this day is something I'll remember forever and I am so thankful for each one of them. There are going to be so many little personal touches and gorgeous decorations...they are really going above and beyond. This definitely isn't going to be your typical baby shower!

This weekend can't come fast enough for 99.99% of me. However, there is .01% that is having a little bit of anxiety over the whole thing. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I'm not looking forward to all of the belly-touching that is bound to happen that day. I've been really weird about that part of my pregnancy. There have been a couple of situations where I've been with really close friends or family members and Nolan has been moving, so I'll let them try to feel him. I even had a dear friend feel all over my belly a few weeks ago because she had never felt a pregnant stomach before (but she asked permission and Nolan was moving around so I was okay with it.) When I start to feel awkward is when he is sleeping and there is nothing for anyone to feel except a giant-hard-ball-o'-whatever.

I've never been big on physical contact. I barely even hug Chris. I feel bad and try to make more of an effort to hug people that I love, but it makes me uncomfortable...especially when I have this giant belly separating us. I show people I love them in other ways. I have always been that way. Then, all of a sudden, I became pregnant and it is as if my body became public property. Like I said before, if he is kicking or something cool is happening in there and someone wants to feel they can go for it...they are interacting with my baby. But if he's sleeping or just chilling in there and they decide to rub my Buddha belly for good luck...that's awkward. They aren't interacting with my baby, they are groping me.

Now to reassure my dear friends and family who read this: I've only had one situation so far that has made me uncomfortable and it was not with any of you. Every interaction I've had (besides the crazy lady at the store that I didn't know) has been appropriate and just fine. I just worry that when I show up in a room full of women who have come together to celebrate this baby growing in my belly, some are bound to go for...well...the belly. Maybe Nolan will put on a show so people will have something fun to touch instead of my still and bulging stomach. A quick pat? That's fine. Feeling him kick? I love that. Grabbing and poking and resting their hands on me for an hour as I sit by them because he might, possibly, eventually, maybe move? Please, no.

That being said, aside from my stupid personal issue, I am so excited for my shower! I get a little choked up when I think of everyone who is coming. So many of them really reached out to us after we lost Eden. Now they are coming together to celebrate the fact that after two years of preparation and one year of pregnancy, we'll hopefully be bringing home a healthy little boy in a few weeks. He is the true reward and the best gift I could imagine. He is so loved already and I can't wait to share him with everyone (when he is on the outside of my belly! Haha...)

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