Dear Nolan.

You will never have to earn my love. 

I was created to do so. 

On the day I was born, I began my journey to you. 

My first breath, my first smile, my first steps, my first words...every milestone brought me closer to the day that my heart would be filled with the most pure and unconditional love I have ever known. 

You have brought out a deeper and more intense level of feeling than I knew was possible. 

If I could kiss every hair on your head, I would a million times over. 

I love the good you. 

I love the sad you.

Forever I will love the beautiful and the ugly. 

There is nothing you can do that will change the way I feel for you. 

I will love every ounce of your being until I die, no matter what. 

You are not perfect. 

You never will be. 

You are going to grow and you will fall. You will make mistakes that will hurt you. You will hurt me. 

There will likely come a time that you will turn your back on me. 

You will stretch your wings and stumble clumsily from my arms. 

Whether it takes you one try to soar or thirty, you must know that I will be there. 

You are beautiful. 

You, my love, are so much more than I can take credit for. 

My body housed God's most incredible work. 

How blessed am I that He trusted me with someone so precious? 

Even more so that He chose me to love you the way He loves me. 

This is my promise to you. 

I will do as He requires foremost of me as your mommy. 

Forever. 

For always. 

Two Months.

Baby bird turned 2 months old yesterday. We've been to the doctor a lot this week so I know he is up to 10 pounds, 9 ounces. He has outgrown most of his newborn clothing and is fitting comfortably in most of his 0-3 month stuff. He is smiling more and more every day. I can't believe how in love with him I am.

As it turns out, he actually had RSV and pneumonia this past week. It started out with a little cough but I could tell he was struggling to breathe. After four trips to the doctor, a chest x-ray, multiple blood tests, and a respiratory test, he was sent home with a breathing treatment to be done every four to six hours. He seems to be feeling so much better today! We waited to take his two month pictures until this morning because he still was not feeling so great yesterday. Close enough, right?

He is becoming so much more alert. He has started to reach up and grab my hair. I get butterflies in my stomach when he wakes up crying at night and as soon as I turn the lamp on and he sees my face, he lights up with a huge smile. He is eating about four ounces ever three or four hours with longer stretches at night. Last night he slept from 9:30-4:00 and didn't wake up again until after 7:00 to eat again. He is an amazing baby. He has fallen right into a bedtime routine. Bath, jammies, breathing treatment, bottle, bed. He puts himself to sleep as soon as he lays down. He doesn't have to be rocked to sleep which I am so thankful for. We get our cuddles in while he eats his last bottle, then he knows it is time for bed. 

I go back to work in just a little over two weeks and the thought of it is killing me. I'm going to miss my little bird so much. He has my heart.

Because I haven't done this in a while:

Nolan Loves:

• The Swing. He absolutely hated it until just a few days ago and I thought we wasted our money on it. All of a sudden it is so interesting to him. It has a mobile that lights up and he will stare at it and grab at the stars.
• Paisley. Boy loves his puppy dog! He tries to pet her and will turn his head towards her whenever she is near him. They took a nap together upstairs this morning.
• Music. He will sit and listen to music for hours. He gets his lets kicking and his arms moving and it looks just like he is dancing. It is hilarious to watch. His favorite song at the moment is "Cameo Lover" by Kimbra. So random.
• Being Naked. Little one is not very modest.
• Dark Contrast. We have dark brown stars hanging on our wall behind our couch and he will stare at them all day if we let him. Faces? Boring. Stars? Freaking awesome!

Nolan Doesn't Like:

• Getting Out Of The Bath. This one explains itself.
• Going To The Doctor. They are mean there. They prick his heels and take his blood and touch his chest with cold instruments. He is not a fan. He doesn't know it is all for his own good.
• Mornings. Little boy is not a morning person. He is grumpy every single morning when he wakes up and doesn't chill out until we are out of the bedroom and we've started our day.
• Socks. Or anything on his feet for that matter. It is amazing if I can even keep them covered with a blanket when it is freezing outside. Thank goodness for footed pajamas.
• Nasal Aspirator. He doesn't just "not like" it. He hates it with a passion. Sadly, it is another necessary evil like going to the doctor. 

Happy Two Months, sweet boy. You get better and better by the minute. I love you so much.

Easter.

Nolan's first Easter was pretty laid back. I found an adorable Easter outfit for him the week before and he outgrew it by the time the day came. We had to settle for a cute shirt, shorts, and his new bib that was supposed to go with his outfit. He could have worn a paper bag and looked adorable so it was no big deal.

On Saturday night we were able to watch Chris' dad sing at church. It has been a tradition for a few years so it was really fun to be able to bring Nolan with us this year.

We went to our church on Sunday morning and everyone just loved him. He got a little fussy in the middle of the service so I took him to the overflow room where they had monitors set up. We were the only two in there so I got to enjoy some alone time with my boy on that special day. I sang along with the music at the end of the service and Nolan looked up at me with the hugest grin on his face. It is the first time he responded to my singing and it almost brought me to tears! It was such a sweet moment.

After church, we had dinner with my family at my mom's house. We gave him his Easter baskets and just hung out with everyone. He got some new books, arm rattles, binkies, a few cute stuffed animals, a new outfit, some gold and silver coins for his piggy bank, and some new pajamas. It was a nice and relaxing day!

Dedication.

We dedicated Nolan in front of our family and friends on April 1. We started the day with a family barbecue at my dad's house. Everyone brought food to share and took turns loving on Nolan for his special day.

That evening all of our family and a few friends came to show their support at our church. It was wonderful to have all of Nolan's grandparents, aunts, and uncles there (even the honorary ones-some of our best friends.)

Baby boy, you are so loved!

Poor Little One.

My sweet baby is so sick. He came down with a little bit of a cough about four days ago but it was only at night and wasn't bad at all so I didn't think much of it. Well, yesterday he woke up with what sounded like an old smoker's cough. He was screaming and could not seem to catch his breath. I made him an appointment for as early as I could get him in. His oxygen levels were at 100% and his lungs sounded great, so it is just a nasty viral infection. What does that mean? There is absolutely nothing we can do for him.

That sucks.

He spent most of the day yesterday napping and chilling by his humidifier. Having a sick baby is one of the worst things in the world. I feel so helpless. I'm supposed to be the one who can make him feel better and take his pain away and I can't. We spent most of last night dancing in the bathroom with a hot shower running because the hot steam seemed to calm down his cough. Every single time I tried to lay him back down (at an incline like the doctor suggested) he would start coughing which brought on crying which brought on more coughing. That is the vicious and ugly cycle we've been living in for the last 24 hours.

I'm going to try to get some sleep. Please, God...let this pass soon.

Smiles!

Baby bird finally started smiling on March 31. Finally! We weren't able to get pictures of it until this morning but I just have to share...

He has his daddy's crooked smile.

We were talking about him stealing my car keys to take a drive since he is so grown up now.

My handsome man is 7 weeks old today!