Well...this is post number 72. That's just a little shy of 365, huh? I started out strong with the Dashboard concert and my beauty reminder. I had every single intention of continuing down that road. Then, on January 30, 2011, I woke up to this:
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| Sorry for the blurry picture, I couldn't get my hands to stop shaking... |
My whole world (including my blog) was turned upside-down in that instant. I began trusting God in a way that I didn't know was possible. He'd finally given me what I'd been praying for and waiting for the entire year of 2010. There was a baby growing inside of me that I loved more than anything and she consumed me. I touched on my pregnancy here, and didn't write again until April when I lost her.
I had no idea what God was doing at the time. All I knew was I was a broken human being and needed an outlet. This blog became just that. I didn't think anyone would find my heartbreak worth reading about, but I was wrong. I started getting responses to my posts from people I have never met. After my miscarriage, I gained regular readers in Malaysia, Canada, Germany, Russia, United Kingdom, Australia, Bahamas, Egypt, India, Saudi Arabia, Hong Kong, Belgium, Denmark, Kuwait, and all over the United States. People started reaching out to me and sending me messages to let me know how much my honesty was helping them heal from their own loss. I've had a couple of my posts (like this one and this one) reposted by other hurting parents on their personal blogs because I was able to put into words how they were feeling but couldn't make their friends and family understand.
I know that those words were not fully mine. God took my intention for this blog and used my baby girl to change the world in a completely different way than I thought I wanted to. He gave me the strength and the compassion for others to open myself up and let my readers know that their feelings are not strange or invalid. My goal was surpassed and I was able to reach people on a much larger scale than I would have with my diary of random acts of kindness.
His plan is so much more massive than we can comprehend. I do not for a second believe that the only reason Eden was taken from us was to help people through this blog. There is so much more to it than that. I do, however, believe that my reason for starting this blog a year ago was to document what I went through when I lost her. I had no idea how God was going to twist and turn it at the time, but I'm so thankful for how it has turned out. I do not believe I failed because my original goal was not met. I know that people were blessed through this blog over the last year and that was exactly what I wanted to happen. His ways are so much better than my own.
I had no idea what God was doing at the time. All I knew was I was a broken human being and needed an outlet. This blog became just that. I didn't think anyone would find my heartbreak worth reading about, but I was wrong. I started getting responses to my posts from people I have never met. After my miscarriage, I gained regular readers in Malaysia, Canada, Germany, Russia, United Kingdom, Australia, Bahamas, Egypt, India, Saudi Arabia, Hong Kong, Belgium, Denmark, Kuwait, and all over the United States. People started reaching out to me and sending me messages to let me know how much my honesty was helping them heal from their own loss. I've had a couple of my posts (like this one and this one) reposted by other hurting parents on their personal blogs because I was able to put into words how they were feeling but couldn't make their friends and family understand.
I know that those words were not fully mine. God took my intention for this blog and used my baby girl to change the world in a completely different way than I thought I wanted to. He gave me the strength and the compassion for others to open myself up and let my readers know that their feelings are not strange or invalid. My goal was surpassed and I was able to reach people on a much larger scale than I would have with my diary of random acts of kindness.
His plan is so much more massive than we can comprehend. I do not for a second believe that the only reason Eden was taken from us was to help people through this blog. There is so much more to it than that. I do, however, believe that my reason for starting this blog a year ago was to document what I went through when I lost her. I had no idea how God was going to twist and turn it at the time, but I'm so thankful for how it has turned out. I do not believe I failed because my original goal was not met. I know that people were blessed through this blog over the last year and that was exactly what I wanted to happen. His ways are so much better than my own.
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