I Miss You, Prometrium.

Today is not a fun day. Thursday was my first day off of my progesterone supplement since I was 4 weeks pregnant, and my body is missing the extra hormones. I stayed on it for a week longer than I probably should have for two reasons: 1) I have heard horrible things about the withdrawal symptoms and 2) I was scared to death that the pill was the only thing keeping my baby in there and once I stopped, my pregnancy would be over.

Lets talk for a second about the withdrawal. It sucks. Bad. I have said before and I'll say again- I will do anything if it means I got to bring home a healthy baby in February. This is nothing more than another hurdle for me to get my big belly over to get to the prize and I'm all game. I just didn't realize I'd be quite so sick. If I stop to think about it, it makes sense. My body has received a surge of hormones every single day at the same time for 10 weeks now. Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. I did some research on what I would experience after quitting the medication and I was scared to death. Violent migraine-induced vomiting, extreme fatigue (as if I haven't been experiencing enough of this as it is), mood swings, and vertigo. So...basically pregnancy on crack.

I felt pretty good for most of Thursday. I was tired, but that is pretty normal for me lately. Then I went to bed that night and woke up around 4:00 am feeling horrible. I haven't had a migraine like that in a long time. I tried to get up and move around, but that didn't work out well. I got back in bed with my beloved Snoogle and cuddled up for the long haul. I finally got back to sleep around 10:00 and didn't wake back up until Chris got me out of bed around dinner time. I tried eating dinner, but it was rough. I ended up crashing again on the couch until it was time for me to rush and get ready for work. Now, I'm sitting here, head throbbing, and trying not to throw up all over my computer. Five more hours and I can go back to bed.

I'm not complaining, I'm explaining. My baby is still in there acting like a wild child and that makes every little pain I feel worth it 100 times over. I can feel him growing and I can't wait until my appointment on Wednesday to see how much bigger he is. I was terrified that it was the pill that was keeping my baby in there and I spent all of Thursday and most of Friday waiting for the bleeding to start. I hate living in fear. I prayed and prayed that he would stay in his cozy home he's made himself, and so far I think he has. I still have the twinges and what I'm assuming are growing pains (my midwife calls them RLP) and those are oddly comforting.

Dear Baby, I love you so much, but it would be really nice to eat something other than raw vegetables and orange juice without losing my cookies afterwards. I love that you love celery, but Mommy really loves meat. Can we compromise? You let me eat steak for dinner and I'll give you celery for dessert. Deal?