I've Been Keeping A Secret.

It is a good one, too.

Are you ready?

Are you sure?



I'm pregnant.





It still feels sort of weird to say...or type...out loud. Chris and I decided to wait a little bit longer to tell people this time around. I feel the need to clarify that this is not because I would be ashamed if I had another miscarriage. I still firmly stand by my belief that my little one(s) deserve to be acknowledged and loved from the very beginning. However, the pain from our loss was still so raw in so many hearts that if, God forbid, something were to go wrong with this one, it would cause so much pain to people I love and I realized that this time I had the ability to keep them from that pain. That is why we chose to wait. I hope you all understand.

With that said, on to the fun stuff! Things are awesome. I feel so blessed and overjoyed. I found out on the morning of June 2 (the day before Chris' 25th birthday.) I decided that I wanted to surprise him this time, so I ran to Ross right after I tested and found a baby bib that says "Daddy's Hugs Are The Best!" I took it home and wrapped it up, knowing he would think it was the Hurley hat that he wanted for his birthday. When he opened it, he had the most confused look on his face. I honestly think he thought it was for him to wear. Then I pulled the pregnancy test out of my pocket and showed him. We were excited, but shocked. Remember how in my Mother's Day post I mentioned that my mom was pregnant with me 30 days after her miscarriage? Well, I was pregnant with this little one 35 days after my miscarriage. Crazy, huh?

We kept it to ourselves for a couple of days, then decided to tell our immediate family. Everyone had basically the same reaction as we did: shocked but excited. Our friends Cindy and Cody happened to be at the party when we announced it to my family, so they were lucky and in the loop from the beginning. We decided that was all we would tell for a while.

As for the medical side of things...so far, so good! I had heard wonderful things about baby aspirin from so many people that I started taking one pill daily after my loss in April. Then, my midwife started me on progesterone supplements at 4 weeks, along with upping my dosage of thyroid medication. Those pills along with my prenatal vitamins, DHA supplements, and lots of fruit, veggies, and water, have become my new daily routine. It is a lot to remember (not to mention a lot to swallow) but it seems to be working! I've been in for ultrasounds at least once every two weeks and baby is amazing.

One thing that is sort of annoying is that my uterus is in a very strange position in my body. She has to basically turn the ultrasound wand all the way to the left to even get any sort of picture (ouch!) This has made dating by measurement basically impossible. I'm 12ish weeks. That estimate is nothing more than a very educated guess at this point, and as of today I am due sometime in early February. I'll keep you updated as baby gets bigger and hopefully my uterus starts shifting a little more to the middle.

So, what made me decide to share our news now? Well, our ultrasound today was incredible. We had heard the heartbeat a few times already and even saw the little blob baby wiggle a little two weeks ago, but today was a whole new level of mind-blowing. As soon as she pulled it up on the screen, there was no searching, no squinting, no denying...that was our baby. The little stinker was bouncing all over the place! He (I'll refer to baby as a "he" until I'm proven wrong) kept moving his arms up to hide his face and kicking his legs. We got some adorable pictures of his tiny feet crossed and you can make out 10 little toes.

I can't tell you what it was like to see that wild child and know that was happening inside of my own body. I could not stop laughing. It was so surreal. I will admit, it took me a little bit longer to bond with this baby. I was protecting myself and part of me was waiting for it to end (horrible, I know.) But nothing can describe the love I have in my heart at this moment. I can't get his perfect profile out of my mind. As of right now, I have a very active and very healthy little one growing like crazy inside of me and I could not be more happy.

I'll post some pictures soon! I promise. Prayers are very much appreciated. We are not out of the woods yet. I don't think I'll feel fully confident until I'm holding this baby in my arms. Please, God...let me keep this one.